How to Keep the Promises We Make to Ourselves

As the year turned from 2022 to 2023, millions of us resolved to reinvent ourselves into a polished, new and improved version. Some of us pledged to exercise more, use social media less, better respect our inherent needs, drink more water, rise earlier, read more books, eat healthier, journal, reduce our carbon footprint, cut alcohol out for some time, and learn to meditate…. Any of this sound familiar?

But for many of us, January’s cold has morphed into the slushy days of February and having a glass of wine instead of a glass of water sounds much more like what the doctor ordered. Only a couple of weeks into our newfound self restraint, twitter reappeared on our phones and we doomscrolled late into the evening. Our warm beds swallowed us and our hangovers whole when the alarm went off for our morning jogs. And, well, meditation lasted about a minute until we remembered during one of our deep breaths that we forgot to call Betty Lou back and then it was time to cook lunch, and, well…. But will our inability to follow through with our resolutions this year stop us from making the same resolutions next New Year’s? Absolutely not. In fact, many of us may have already tried to press the ‘restart’ button. The visionary in us is still alive and well but the ‘dangler of carrots’ is a force to be reckoned with.

If you have taken a light tumble off your bandwagon, be rest assured that you are not alone. Estimates show that as many as 80% of people fail to keep their New Year’s resolutions by February and only 8% of people stick with them the entire year. Given this less than stellar track record, it is worth asking, what would we have to do differently if we were actually serious? What would have to change if we really did want to stick to our resolutions for more than a couple of hours or weeks?

If you resolved to stop doing something that you are not happy about, with compassion, love and kindness ask yourself what you are getting out of that behavior or that pattern whether it is pleasure, a sense of belonging, a familiarity or maybe it is comforting you in some way. Honor the part of you that wants that and the value that comes from it. Then ask yourself if there is another way to meet that core basic need that will enhance your wellbeing rather than take away from it. Because in the long run there isn’t a lot of comfort in getting sick or doing things that later down the road when they catch up with you, you’ll regret. But there is so much love and comfort in cherishing your precious life and your precious body.

To help switch our mindsets in a way that we are able to stand stronger in our convictions, we need to first find our answer to the simple question, ‘Why?’. Whether it is a bad habit you are trying to rid yourself of or simply a good habit you want to cultivate, you have to ask yourself why you want it. Sure it might seem like a good idea, but why do you really want it? If you sit a moment and think about the why, you might find that it is attached, among other things, to a desire to experience a long, happy, healthy and vibrant life. A clean body, a clean mind, being a healthy member of your family, having a good body as you age, the confidence in knowing your life will be lived to its fullest potential. Whatever your ‘why’ is, find it and write that down. But don’t stop there. Put pictures of it all around you. Vision board it. Imagine it. Believe it. Believe that you can have it. And go ahead and revel in immense satisfaction and pride as if it is already yours. Doesn’t that feel good? In the end, your life will only change when you become more committed to your visions and goals than you are to your comfort zone.

Unfortunately, the ‘dangler of carrots’ / ’The Pack’ / the bag of potato chips / the “Oh come on, you only live once” friend / the diamond studded distractions… aren’t going anywhere. They’ll come knocking on your door week after week. And when they do, you have to pause a moment and reconnect with your ‘why’. Standing firmly behind what you want in life often means learning how to say no to life’s shiny distractions, so that in the end you’re the one that becomes shiny.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” The more you begin to make choices that are life affirming, the easier those steps become to make. Don’t promise to do more than you can comfortably do.  Start with a small step and when that is dialed in and feels good, take the next step.  When you truly create a new set of habits, before long they become the new normal. And before you know it, you won’t be struggling to stop eating those potato chips anymore because there won’t even be potato chips in your house to start with.

And always remember that making positive changes should be done from a place of grace and lightness — not punishment, obsession, or restriction because as we all know, most things that start with pressure are pretty much doomed from the beginning. You can’t control everything and chronic stress can be just as bad for your health as the foods you put into your body. Change takes time and no one is perfect. It is okay to slip up. What makes the difference in the end is having the strength to get back up, dust yourself off and keep going.

And taking a tiny step with courage is the best place to start.